Craving Truths (The Razer Series Book 3) Read online

  It must have meant something, but my head was too messed up to think on it. Holding on, I let whatever it was between us, soothe over me.

  I jumped at the sharp rap on the window beside me and when I shifted my head around, I came face to face with the stern look of my brother glaring through the glass.

  Climbing from Ayden’s lap, I gave him a small smile as I slipped from the car, following Ryder to his truck where he beckoned me up into the passenger side. Ayden climbed in a second later.

  Ryder rounded on Ayden as soon as the back door had closed. “What the fuck was that?”

  Disturbed by the accusation he’d thrown, disbelieving he would think such a thing, I glared at my brother. It had probably looked all too cosy to anyone else but these two were family, knew one another inside out. He should have known better.

  “She needed a minute,” he shrugged, less upset than I was, reminding Ryder why we were sitting in a car, in a street, in the middle of the night.

  “You okay?” He’d turned to face me, and I could see the apology written all over his face.

  “Perfect,” I snarled, my moment of weakness long gone.

  “You all right to stay at the Loft tonight?”

  “Where’s Warren?”

  “I took him to Taylor.”

  He was safe then, that was all that mattered. “Two guys came into the club. Gave me a warning. Said I had four days.”

  “Tony said you were on the pole?” He scowled at me, wanting to make it the first issue he got out of the way. I wasn’t rolling over for him either.

  “Sammi’s sick. There was no one else.”

  “Find someone. I don’t need to be walking in and seeing my sister’s tits hanging out and men leering over her.”

  “Oh, boo fucking hoo. It’s my goddamned job.”

  Ayden snorted out a chuckle from behind, and I whipped my head around to pierce him with a shitty look. Bowing his head, he continued to smirk, enjoying the back and forth over the pole dancing.

  “I want the club shut until we figure this out, see what they want.”

  “Uh uh. No way!”

  What the hell was he thinking? I had nine staff that couldn’t afford four days without wages, not to mention where my regular punters would go. I couldn’t afford the loss in revenue either. To top all that off, it would look guilty as hell, like I had something to hide. It wouldn’t keep anything from my door, they were coming whether I shut my club or not. There was no way I was hiding, no matter how petrified I was on the inside. Ryder was not winning this argument.

  “I’ll make up the cash, pay your employees.” He was being insulting, I didn’t want his money.

  “Not happening. I’ll stay at the Loft tonight, sort out cleaners for tomorrow.” I groaned thinking of my landlady. “Can you please tell Taylor I’ll replace everything? I promise.”

  “Doesn’t matter, it’s just stuff,” he said.

  “It matters to me.”

  “Right.” He stayed quiet, rubbing his thumb and forefinger through his short beard. “I’ll get someone to clean, someone that knows what they’re looking at. Search the house as well. You did good leaving, Ayden. Quick thinking.”

  “Well,” he shimmied forward between the two seats, “they’re looking for Charlie, right? It’s possible they shoved a device in there somewhere, thinking they’ll get info that way.” He laughed. “Or have I been watching too many movies?”

  His reasoning was a reminder we were dealing with the big boys, not my dad and his merry little band of ‘Razer Boys’. He may have been revered in Brighton, but he had bigger bosses he answered to.

  “Back to the club...”

  “No!” I cut him off.

  “You can’t be there, Chrissie. It’s not safe.”

  “It’s my job. It stays open and I’m going in. I refuse to budge. I’m not sitting around waiting on any fucker.”

  “Then I put someone on you, twenty-four-seven.”

  “I don’t need it. Please, just stop. Whatever comes, comes. I’ll be careful, vigilant, I swear but if someone really wants to get at me then nothing’s stopping them. No matter what.”

  “I can help,” he moaned. “Please, let me help.”

  “You’ve done enough, you don’t need to do anymore. I’m a big girl, can look after myself.”

  I wasn’t used to having someone in my corner, giving unselfishly. Charlie always, always, wielded something over me. Like who and where my mother was, the promise of his empire, the world at my feet. I’d given up believing him or anyone else a long time ago. This was different and it cut loose some of the ice in my veins. However, my suspicious nature looked for the lie still. Finding no trace of it, I retreated into myself and gave an inch, hoping he wouldn’t take the mile I was so used to having stolen from me.

  “Help me with the house.”

  Nodding in resignation, he clasped his hand in mine, entwining our fingers. “Little by little, one step at a time. I can do that.”

  He understood. My tremulous heart settled at the small victory and I squeezed his hand, giving a tentative smile.

  “Warren?” I asked.

  “A bit beat up, he’ll survive. Tony was kind of watching him, lost him for a minute, heard a commotion down an alleyway. Fair to say it was the blokes that came to the club earlier.”

  “What do they want?” Ayden chirped from the backseat.

  “Me,” I answered flatly. “They want me.” Charlie wasn’t around, and they’d hedged he wasn’t likely to show up, sights were set firmly on me.

  “Well,” Ryder snarled, “they can’t fucking have you. I told you before, you’re not Charlie’s debt. Not now, not ever.”

  For once I wouldn’t have to do this alone. Whatever the outcome, I was sorting my shit out once and for all. For the first time in what felt like forever, I had a connection to a man that wasn’t Shaun or my piece of shit father. Old wounds were beginning to close up and heal, I was letting people inside, making my own choices. Warren was one I really wanted to make too.

  I wasn’t ready for him yet, but I was determined there’d come a time in the not too distant future I would be. I hoped he’d be ready for me when the time came.

  “And stay off that fucking pole, Chrissie. I damned well mean it!”

  Chrissie

  The next few days were uneventful. Just like he’d promised, Ryder had someone totally clean out the house, replacing everything that was ruined apart from my underwear. For which I was grateful. I didn’t need my big brother buying my smalls for me, well, not the kind I wore anyway.

  There had been nothing else untoward in the house - as if what had been done wasn’t enough - there were no listening devices. The idea had seemed absurd to me anyway, but no one was taking any chances. Ryder had put in a new security system, showing me how it worked. It was a complex piece of kit, but easy enough to understand once I’d gone through it a few times, just to ‘make sure’. I’d learned it back to front by the time he’d shoved keys into my hands for the new door locks. Those two things made me feel marginally safer.

  Work was its usual; busier as we worked up to the weekend. Sammi had returned meaning I didn’t have a vacant spot on the pole to cover, finding a stripper at short notice was almost impossible, and I’d meant it when I’d said no more pole.

  Having heard nothing from Warren, even when I’d finally replied to his text asking about coffee, I let it be. The modest ‘I’d love to’ reply had gone unanswered. Pushing it to the back of my head not wanting to think on what his silence meant, I had it on good authority he was okay. I stopped stressing over it as best I could.

  Three days later and I was back in my house, thankful to be away from the Loft. The loved-up occupants of the flat were beginning to grate on my nerves. I could easily admit to myself I was mildly jealous of Ayden and Shaun, and it had nothing to do with one of them being my ex. I loved that they were in love, but it only served to remind me what I didn’t have, had never had. On the other hand, be
ing around Shaun and Ayden was becoming easier than I thought it would be. Seeing them together solidified what Shaun and I had been - nothing much of anything. Pawns in my father’s world. I couldn’t rightly feel bitter over it anymore.

  But it also stung. Those misplaced, residual feelings I harboured for Shaun were taking their time to abate, clinging on for dear life and I didn’t understand why. Getting out of the Loft and back to my own life, granted me much needed breathing space. There were only so many times I could pretend to myself that listening to Shaun and Ayden fucking one another didn’t turn me on, and I found that revelation mildly embarrassing.

  When Sunday rolled around, I was immensely aware I had one day left. One more day, then those guys were coming back, and I didn’t think it was for a friendly chat over coffee.

  I was super careful wherever I went, always mindful of my surroundings and after the club closed up each night, a bouncer diligently walked me to my car. They followed me home, waiting until I signalled everything was okay from the living room window before they left. If Ryder had eyes one me, I didn’t know. I saw nothing obvious and never once felt threatened or like someone was watching me.

  Being back on the pole for that short time a few nights ago had given me a renewed determination, past eating healthy, to keep myself a bit fitter. I’d joined a local gym and promised to try to make at least two visits a week, Sunday being a good day for it by my thinking. I’d chosen a modern complex close to the house so I could power walk there and back, the additional exercise would be beneficial, warm me up and down, do me no harm.

  Swapping out my Jimmy Choo’s for Nike’s and filling a water bottle, I was out the door feeling pretty pleased with myself. I’d probably be falling back out the gym exhausted in a few hours, but hey, I was determined. Walking briskly, not ready to jog on day one, or make an arse of myself. I vaguely wondered if the sports bra I’d bought would even hold my girls if I wanted to jog. Jesus, I should have done a jump test before I’d left the house to see if -

  “Chrissie!”

  A familiar voice rang out from behind me. I wasn’t keen on stopping but it would have been rude to have kept on, so I halted in place and turned my head.

  An old friend - and I used the term loosely - Paul, stepped up to the side of me, grin wide on his face. He was one of Charlie’s runners, had hopped about with Shaun years ago and had been a regular at Monty’s until I’d taken over. I hadn’t seen him in a long time. Paul had been one of the nicer boys that ran around with Charlie’s crew, giving him five minutes of my time didn’t seem like an inconvenience for a familiar face, as long as he didn’t want to reminisce on old times. Suddenly embarrassed at the kind of woman I’d once been, the word whore bleached into my bedroom carpet hadn’t been far off the mark.

  “How you doin’, girl? Ain’t seen you in a while. You’re looking fit as ever, babe.”

  Paul had always been a complete charmer, his mouth as wicked as the grind of his hips and his heavy hand. Shit, I should have kept on walking.

  “Hey.” I smiled genuinely, even if my cheeks did pink a little thinking back on the times he’d tag teamed me with Shaun. “Doing great, Paul. You, mate?”

  “Yeah. Got a good job going. Got out after Gripp, you know?”

  I’d heard that from gossip in the club, what with Shaun out from under Charlie, Boomer safely tucked away in rehab, his other boys weren’t so keen on sticking around without them. Most likely why Charlie had found himself in the shit he’d brought to my door.

  “That’s great.” I didn’t know what else to say to him; our conversations had always been scant in the past. I mean, how much deep and meaningful conversation could you have with a guy who’d had his cock in your mouth while his mate fucked you from behind?

  Yeah, classy bird. That was me all right.

  “You fancy grabbing a drink sometime?” He cocked his head at me and grinned again. “For old time’s sake?”

  “Ah, I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  Crowding me into the wall of the building to the side, his body was just inches from mine, his demeanour suddenly more menacing than a minute before.

  “Come on, Chrissie. Best fuck I ever had. You not fancy another go around. Let me fuck that tidy pussy of yours?” Genuinely shocked, I raised my hand to slap him, his hand catching my wrist before my palm could connect with his cheek. “You don’t wanna be doing that, babe.” Tightening his grip, I winced. “Unless you’re on your fucking back with your legs around my ears and I’m ploughing into you.” Leaning forward, his nose touched mine. “Then you can slap, bite and scratch all you fucking like.”

  Rather than turning me on, his words left me feeling utterly disgusted. Had I been that woman? The one who liked to be degraded, the one who didn’t care?

  “Stop it, Paul,” I hissed.

  His tone changed and the mirth in his eyes snapped over into something cold and dangerous. “You need a reminder of how good I can make you moan? Scream like the slut you are?” Smirking, he licked at his lips and pushed his body into mine, the big cock I remembered all too well, hard against my abdomen. “You got too good for opening your legs for me these days, huh?”

  “What are you doing?” I squeaked out.

  “Short memory, Chrissie?”

  “I have to be somewhere. Get the fuck off me.”

  Dropping my wrist and taking a step back, he eyed me up and down, nothing sexual in manner whatsoever. It creeped me out. “I’m looking for Charlie. Where is he, Princess?”

  “Get in line, Paul. Half of Brighton’s looking for him. I’ve no idea where he is, and I don’t give a flying fuck either. You know what went down, I haven’t seen the prick.” I held eye contact with him, beginning to believe my own lie.

  “You’re still his little girl, no matter what went on between the pair of you. If you know where he is, you best start talking. My boss don’t fuck about, babe, I’d hate to see you at his hands. You thought Charlie was bad?” He snorts loudly before walking away. “One day left, Princess. One day.”

  Needless to say, the gym took a back seat and I tested out the dubious bra as I ran back home, slamming my door firmly behind me, my breaths coming in short, rapid pants. Sliding to the floor, I cradled my knees trying to figure out what the fuck I was going to do tomorrow.

  One way or another, I’d be finding out exactly what Charlie’s debt was and how it involved me. Whether or not I came out the other end in one piece remained to be seen.

  Warren

  “Come on, eat up, Kieran. We have to go soon. Mum will be waiting for you.” I pointed my fork at the plate of sausages and potatoes he was eating. Not exactly healthy food but it was what he’d wanted. I could never say no to my son.

  “I am, Daddy. Look!” He shoved half a sausage into his mouth, smearing tomato sauce around his lips.

  “You certainly are.” I laughed, digging into my own food. I had two hours before I had to meet Kayleigh and hand my son back over to the woman I loathed more than life itself. She was in for a shock this time. No more nice, roll over Warren. It was time to get what I wanted, what I deserved, and that was Kieran overnight. For a start.

  “You wanna come sleep over at mine soon?” I shouldn’t have asked, put the idea in his head, but there was no reason why he couldn’t, and I wanted to gauge his reaction.

  “Oh, yeah. Yes! Daddy, I want to. Could I get my own room, bring my Lego?”

  I’d already started looking for a place with two bedrooms with Taylor’s help, confident by the time I’d battled Kayleigh and she’d dragged my arse through the family courts, I’d have somewhere suitable.

  “Sure, buddy. I’m working on it.”

  “Green?” Wide eyes looked at me with excitement and expectation.

  “You want a green room?”

  “Yeah.” He clapped his hands together. “Same colour as the pretty lady’s shoes.”

  I glanced back up at him, wondering whose shoes he was on about. “Mummy’s shoes?”
/>   “No, silly. The pretty lady shopping. Remember, Daddy?”

  Sucking in a breath, I smiled at him. “Chrissie’s shoes?”

  “Yes, they were green. I want that colour.”

  I hadn’t even noticed what she’d been wearing that day, hardly able to take my eyes from her face. It was a wonder Kieran even remembered them.

  “Green it is then.”

  Two hours later and I was doing the same thing I’d done twice a week for years - buckling my son into the car seat in his mother’s car. I hated saying goodbye to him. As usual Kayleigh had got out the car and was leaning against mine, I had yet to understand why she insisted on doing so. When I shut the door after kissing Kieran’s head and telling him I loved him, she was still typing away on her mobile phone, generally uninterested in her surroundings.

  “I want him overnights, Kayleigh.” There was no wasting any time with pleasantries, she didn’t deserve any from me. Not waiting for her to finish whatever was so important on her phone, I continued. “Twice a month, on a Sunday, for starters.”

  “I told you, he got school on Mondays.”

  “And I told you, I could get him there.”

  “No.” She didn’t look up when she snapped out the word and I lost my cool.

  “Don’t be so fucking ignorant. Listen to me - I want my son overnights. I’m entitled to that, and I’m asking you politely first.”

  “Not happening, Warren. I told you already, the answer’s the same.” She finally pocketed her phone and gave me her attention, contemptuous as it was.

  “Are you going to be a total bitch until he’s sixteen and can decide for himself?”